Realizations Had While Wearing Flats on a Saturday Night
Ladies and gentlemen, I wore flats to a Lower East Side bar on a Saturday night. Now, to clarify, I did not do this on purpose. I left my apartment in spiked Sam Edelman heels. But about 10 minutes into being at the bar, I literally thought I was going to start crying from the pain. And I was NOT sober, so you know it had to be bad. I ended up switching into my spare flats and realized a few very important things that might make me reconsider my shoe choices (hahahaha just kidding…).
1) It really freaking hurts getting your foot stepped on by a drunk girl in heels – WOW. I don’t know if I was just easy to step on in my flats, but holy god a heel to the top of your foot hurts. A lot. Sorry to everyone I’ve stepped on in the past.
2) Boys talked to me more. I’m not sure I fully understand this. It could have been a fluke but a LOT more guys approached me than usual. Phone numbers were exchanged. Advances were made. I think it’s because I was an unintimidating little nugget. And you know what? I thought every guy was SO TALL. Usually, I’m like, ughhhh another short guy, greattttt. But I guess when you’re 5’4 and in 5 inch heels, it’s not really fair to call every guy short. Besides just giving the guy the upper hand with a greater disparity between our heights, I think I also gave them better access to look down my shirt.
3) Dancing is so much easier – listen, I’m not a big dancer. But some nights, you gotta dance. Ya gotta! My friends and I literally found an area of the very crowded bar that no one was in for some reason (I bet someone peed on the floor like 10 minutes before we barged in) and proceeded to murder the dance floor. In my normal footwear, I can move, but not like I moved that night. And I didn’t even twist my ankle.
4) Walking, in general, is so much easier. Granted, I only had to walk about 2 blocks from my apartment to this bar and then back, but it was SO MUCH EASIER at 3AM when you’re dehydrated from a combination of alcohol and dancing your face off. I could practically run around the streets of the Lower East Side in my flats. Amazing.
5) No one actually judges your shoes when they’re black out and ripping shots at the bar – except, of course, for me.