“I Complete Me” – One Girl’s Story of Owning Singledom

It still totally amazes me that people read the stupid words I write down on this site. What floors me even more, though, is when people approach me to guest post because something I’ve written has inspired them to take pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard, as the case may be). One of my recent posts, The Importance of Being Single, did just that. My good friend and former co-worker Dhara Naik, shares why being single was so important for her. Read and enjoy!

September 15, 2008. In the history books this day will forever be known as the day Lehman Brothers went down. I turned 25 that day and with the chaos of Wall Street, my quarter life crisis ensued.

Just a year before, I felt like I was on top of the world. I had moved to NYC to pursue my dreams and I was with the love of my life. I had the job I wanted, in the City I wanted to live in, with the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, my Mr. Big.

Now, I was tired of this so called City of Dreams and my boyfriend was moving to the west coast because of the Wall Street chaos. He broke up with me because long distance would be too hard. I felt so alone and lost. How could this happen to me when everything was so perfect?

I had never been alone up until that first night when I realized there was no one to say goodnight to and my phone didn’t have any text messages or missed calls.

Over the next few months, nothing felt right and I went on what I call a tear diet. I went to work everyday hating my position more than ever and I came home to a converted three bedroom apartment with random roommates from Craigslist. I never felt like eating so I lost a lot of weight and cried myself to sleep every night. I thought I had it all figured out so the fact that I had no direction gave me severe anxiety.

I knew I had to get out of my funk when I started crying listening to Everybody Knows by John Legend at Starbucks. I remember having to run out of there because my normally strong and composed self couldn’t keep it together. What was happening to me? That song made me cry for months afterward because I really did wish we gave it one more try (which we did but that’s another blog post).

I thought I would get over my ex by dating other people but that only ended up being more disastrous. I started dating someone to fill a void instead of dealing with being alone. Of course I didn’t learn from the situation and kept going on more dates until I was exhausted and turned into someone that I didn’t like. Finally, I realized I needed to work on myself and figure out how to be completely independent and learn to appreciate being single. That whole “you complete me” business isn’t really true until you learn how to say “I complete me.”

Over the next few years, that’s exactly what I did. I changed careers which turned out to be one of the best things to ever happen to me. It turned out that I had an innate skill and passion in marketing but I was pursuing the wrong career. I also learned to cultivate an interest in things that I never thought I liked by exploring the City and making new friends; something as simple as red wine to a new workout regimen including Zumba and kickboxing.

Fast forward to September 15, 2012 when I turned 29. I can’t say that I have all the answers or that I know what I’m doing because life will always be an adventure. But what I do know for sure is that I am extremely happy. I’ve dated and met some truly amazing men and I’ve gone back and forth with my ex boyfriend who will always have a special place in my heart. Through it all, I’ve realized that I’d rather be at home in my pajamas watching When Harry Met Sally with a glass of Malbec than be out on a horrible date with someone. I’m selective about who I date now because I’m a lot more confident and understand what I like and what’s just not right for me.

The time that I’ve had to reflect and change to be a better version of myself has been absolutely amazing. Now, when I hear Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys anywhere, I’m smiling. Single can and should be one of the most cherished times of your life because it doesn’t stick around for long! 🙂

 

About Dhara: 

A lover of red wine and chic flicks, Dhara is just a single girl that’s spent her 20s navigating the streets of New York with some spunk and lot of humor.

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Posted on October 23, 2012, in 20something, dating, guest blogger and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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