Just Say No to These Winter Looks

It’s easy to fall into a winter slump when it comes to your cold weather clothing choices. It’s snowing, it’s windy and it’s below zero temperatures — the last thing you want to do is worry about teetering in too high heels and having the wind whip its way through you not quite warm enough but incredibly fashionable coat. I get it. I understand. But there are some things you should never give in to, no matter how cold the weather gets.

1) Cable knit sweaters — nothing screams “I don’t have regular sex” more than a cable knit crew neck sweater. I don’t know who looks attractive in this pattern or why designers INSIST on continuing to manufacture them. If you have breasts, this is hands down the worst look you go for when it comes to sweaters. Acceptable sweater variants include: oversized and open, long cardigan, cowl neck, boat neck. None of these should be of the cable variety. Cable belongs on your television. Not your body.

2) Uggs — I know, we’ve all done this. Especially if you went to college somewhere it was cold. It was right of passage to wear high Uggs boots with Victoria’s Secret Pink sweats (rolled up of course). But we’re grown ups now. Boots with the fur are no longer a thing. There are plenty of warm and fashionable boot options for all weather conditions. Consider investing.

3) North Face fleeces — yes, my brown North Face fleece is currently draped over the back of my desk chair. But that’s where it stays. It’s a back-up fleece for a day it’s unexpectedly cold in the office. This is not what you should reach for when you tell your date “hold on, let me just grab my jacket”. You’re a grown up woman. And grown up women don’t wear fleece. I don’t care if it’s warm. It’s ugly. You should know better.

4) Turtle necks –– Oh my, it’s so cold, I simply can’t let my neck be exposed to the elements, said no one ever. (Wo)man up. Turn down the turtle neck look. The only place I see women wear turtle necks and not be considered uptight fashion victims is in books where the heroine is dressed in the imagination of an uptight fashion victim. And don’t get me started on mock turtle necks. Are those a thing? Like a real thing? I think someone has to be kidding about that. A “mock” piece of clothing. It just screams “poor”. Mock anything should always be referred to as “faux” otherwise, I’m going to mock you.

In short, stay warm ladies. Just don’t stay frumpy. No excuses, dress like a champion.


Posted on October 15, 2012, in clothes and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. woof, I’ll be breaking 2 out of the 4 rules this winter thanks to my love of oversize crew-neck cable knit sweaters AND turtlenecks. in fact, on an especially cold day I may even combine the two. 🙂 okay maybe not, but, in defense of turtlenecks I think they look fabulous with a statement necklace!

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