When Being Single Sucks

New York is probably the best city to be single in. I remember living in Rochester for a handful of years after college and was terrified of being single there. It was a city that screamed “settle down” and while I lived there, I was on that path. I wore dress pants to work every day, had a fridge full of fresh groceries and a boyfriend to snuggle on the couch with. But after awhile, I found that settling down sort of just felt like settling, and I left. And while I definitely don’t miss dress pants and prefer the many delivery options NYC has to offer, there are some times when being single sneaks up on you, like a change-of-seasons cold that leaves you unexpectedly bedridden for days.

  • When you’ve had a really long week and want to stay in on a Friday night – Sure your girlfriends are sometimes up for a girls night in, but it’s hard to coordinate everyone’s shitty weeks and more often than not, you’re dragging each other out when one of you would rather be in her sweats watching a cheesy rom-com. Or you make the brave decision to just stay in alone. And then you’re crying in your take out noodles because the rom-com happily ever after will never happen to you. These are the nights I want nothing more than to wear my boyfriend’s hoodie and spoon on the sofa, living my own version of happily ever after with someone better looking than Justin Long.
  • When you’re sick – Taking care of yourself sucks. You come home after a long day at work and know you’re running a low fever, with a scratchy throat and stuffy nose, and you just want someone to rub your head and bring you soup and make sure you stay hydrated and drugged up enough to make it through the night. Instead, you’re forced to trek to the bodega on the corner for tissues and cold medicine, and stop on the way home at the Noodle Bar for some soup and put on the longest running movie you own so you’ll probably be asleep by the time it’s over and won’t have to get off the couch to put a new movie in. You might even rub your own head. And cry because you’re alone and sick and no one will take care of you because no one loves you.
  • When people your age are getting engaged, getting married and/ or having babies. I blame Facebook for this one. While I’m sitting around pickling my organs in vodka and regret, watching my eggs hard boil in front of me, people are having the happiest days of their lives. They get pretty dresses, diamond rings, and a little person who will love them forever. How nice for you, really. I didn’t even have a date to bring to your wedding and was too hungover to make it to your baby shower. I am a pathetic loser and I will die alone. I might as well get “Mallorie Rosenbluth and Guest” tattooed on my forehead.
  • When people around me hold hands – I don’t miss a lot about relationships. I don’t miss the constant checking-in, the jealousy, the fighting over stupid shit, the future-planning and parent-meeting. But I miss the hand holding. There’s just something so intimate about holding hands with someone, and in a city where you can go days without someone touching you on purpose, that subtle display of affection is sometimes enough to make me feel suddenly very, very alone.
  • When you’re moving or need something fixed or something heavy carried out of your apartment – There’s nothing I hate more than having to play the damsel in distress, but somethings a girl just need a guy to help with. Lucky for me, my dad is pretty awesome and makes trips to my apartment to help hang things up and put things together, but at some point, I’ll have to be a little less of a daddy’s girl. It’s sad I don’t have anyone who is obligated to help me do these things. And every time my dad comes in to the city to help, I feel a little further away from where I’m supposed to be.
  • When people ask if you’re seeing anyone new and you’re not – Does anyone have a good answer for this when your response is “no”? Most single girls in New York I know say they’re too busy, or they’re only meeting losers. Sure, that’s true to an extent. But the truth is I’m not sure why I’m single and those questions and proddings from my happily paired friends leave me feeling like there’s something wrong with me for being 27 and no closer to meeting someone than I was when I moved here and got out of a relationship 2+ years ago. I was supposed to start over then. And because I didn’t start over with a new guy, I somehow feel I’ve failed. Sorry, world.
  • When you’re the only person in the room who isn’t in a relationship – Sometimes you think you’re way better off then those other people are. You feel liberated and free and not bound to anyone. Other times, you look at them and feel trapped in loneliness and like you’ll never have anyone who gets you and takes care of you not because you need them to but because they want to and then you look up just to make sure there’s not a huge blinking sign over your head that says “NO ONE LOVES ME” because that’s how it feels, like single is a scar or a sickness and it’s visible and catchable. This is when being in New York is great, because you can take a cab home after you drown your sorrows in whiskey cocktails and tequila shots because obviously if you were driving no one would be your DD because YOU ARE ALONE.

Posted on October 1, 2012, in dating and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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