If Your Love Life was a Social Network
Posted by Mallorie
I am pretty much paid to make my heart beat social media. I know more about social networks than most people do and sometimes forget that the general population just thinks Facebook is cool and doesn’t care their ad platform will be changing soon or there are known issues with the roll-out of Timeline. I, however, have to know these things. And it’s made me look at most things in my life through the lens of social media. I’ve decided to examine some of the top social networks and compare them to the other thing I spend a lot of time thinking about: dating.
Facebook – If your current relationship is like Facebook, consider yourself lucky. All your friends are behind the relationship, you totally document every memorable moment with photos and notes to each other and like Facebook has Farmville, you have annoying nicknames for each other that no one really cares to hear about.
Twitter – Ah, the hook up buddy. Keep it short and sweet. I can’t be bothered with a commitment. 140 characters and get outta my bed.
Pinterest – The hottest network out there now is all about creating inspiration boards online. Oh hello, delusional dater. Pinning about the wedding you’ll have with the guy you’re not yet dating? If your love life is like Pinterest, the guy should be running for the door in 3, 2…
Foursquare – This can go one of two ways. Since Foursquare is an overshare network telling everyone where you are and with whom; it’s like the ultimate PDA site. So in this case, if your relationship is like Foursquare – get a room. On the other hand, if you’re not in a relationship yet but still consider your current state of lovedom to be like this network, you’re probably a stalker and regularly creep on the object of your affection.
Instagram – Your love is like, so artsy. It’s also only for iPhone users. Consider iPhone users the pretty people and Andoid users, well, fat. If your relationship is like Instagram, stare into each others’ eyes and tell each other how beautiful you are, smoke clove cigarettes and write poems in your Moleskines.
Google+ – Your love is now searchable. Or something.